Monday, October 30, 2006

Fear and beyond

I feel like a different person, I am now an engulfed by fear & cowardness, I jump at the sound of a squeaking door, I feel like I’m half dead.

I have this feeling of being stalked; it’s like Spiderman when he gets those vibes when danger approaches. Such a terrible feeling, you feel your heart is going to burst out of your chest.

Furthermore this morning, on my way to work I nearly had a car accident, a Black GMC Suburban nearly hit my Car on the Highway, it then swirled towards the pavement and smashed in, I stopped to see what happened, it seems that the driver was shoot seconds earlier while he was driving or something similar, when they pulled him out of the car he was dead due to multiple gun shots.

This is too much…

23 comments:

Anna MR said...

You are incredibly brave and strong to be going on, not cowardly! I feel ashamed knowing I bother about my little worries at all. Thinking about you. Wish there was more than that I could do.

Nadia said...

way too much :(

miraj said...

Zappy please try to leave for a while. Join your family at least for a while. Hell with your job!!!

chikitita said...

Zaaaaaaaapy,

Leave this wretched place. Your wife and kids need you in one piece.

Indigo said...

I do not know what to say; the suffering of Iraqis is beyond anything. I cannot imagine how you endure this.

Fatima said...

It's like a scene out of a really bad movie...

Rubin said...

Hang in Zappy, plz be careful.

jarvenpa said...

It is indeed too much. May you stay safe.

Bruno said...

Just be very careful. I can't imagine how stressful it must be to be on high alert all the time. Can't you take one or two days off in an environment where you don't have to worry all the time?

Treasure of Baghdad said...

I am sorry to hear that! I went through the same thing when I was in Baghdad. Despite the fact that I left Baghdad last July but I still have exactly the same feeling here in America. I still have nightmares and I never slept well since I arrived here.

Anonymous said...

We can only imagine what hell you people are going through. If only there was a way to turn back the clock and to put right the terrible wrong which has been done.

Just to stay, when so many others are leaving, shows remarkable courage! Hang in there Zappy! We are praying for you!

MixMax said...

It is not that easy just to leave, Zappy. Please, take care, and if you have a chance, then as miraj said, to hell with the job. You have a family who needs you.

I know it is difficult, but no one will die of hunger, brother

:: Katrin said...

You're the bravest and most decent person I know, Zappy. Your family and your country need you alive.

The one who ignores danger is not a hero. You are a hero, whatever you're going to do in this current situation.


Take care!

fjb said...

Zappy,

I won't tell you what to do, but please consider leaving that hell. In THIS world, you're no good to your family dead. I'm sorry if that sounds "abrupt", and perhaps offensive, but if there's a time for abruptness, I'd say it's now.

I don't know if you are aware of how many people out here, are scared for you, and with the situation in Baghdad apparently deteriorating by the minute, give it some serious consideration, please.

Hajar said...

My heart breaks every time I hear things like this. I feel so helpless!

Anonymous said...

I agree that if you feel the need to leave, you must leave.

But if all of the heroic Iraqis leave Baghdad (or worse, Iraq), who will that leave?

nmj said...

Hello Zappy, I am always glad to see that you are still posting, I worry if you have not been around for a while. It is hard to know what else to say to you, except be as safe as you can be.

neurotic_wife said...

Zappy please try and stay safe.

They said...

We're watching you.

miraj said...

What a nasty joke they!

Marshmallow26 said...

Zappy, for God's sake leave asap...

and Thank God for your safety.

Baghdad said...

Hope is what many people have to keep them alive and well. People tend to naturally build their own kind of world to accept dramatic changes. We do what we can to try to feel the same. Hang in there....things will change. Dont let yourself be the change.

My fullest regards.

Anonymous said...

Zappy:

You are suffering of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. One of those terms that seem made up by parmaceutical companies, but actually is true. I experienced it after fearing for my life.
Not comparable with living in total fear for months/years, but I had the exact same biological reaction.
I can just imagine how horrible you must feel. Everything would trigger the feeling of stress, my skin broke out, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, any noise would make me jump up, I became overly aggressive over little things. Hideous. I just started to sleep better, years after the incident and after countless therapy sessions.
In any case, you are not a coward, you are not half a man, this is just a consequence of the extended exposure to terrible mental anguish.

My thoughts are with you.